cervical cancer, sex and stress

There’s plenty of anecdotal evidence that cancer is related to stress, and Shelby is convinced not only that her development of cervical cancer was stress related but also that it was related to unwanted sex with an abusive husband.

"I'm sure that it was the stress of dealing with an abusive husband that gave me cervical cancer -- which, when diagnosed, caused him to wipe me off as 'dead meat' and thankfully get his sex elsewhere," says Shelby, "but when I recovered, refused him sex and dared to divorce him the resultant abominable stress he put me through afterwards brought the cancer out of remission and I needed four more years of treatment to regain my health."

"Even when we were legally separated -- and I was in hospital preparing for an operation -- that man pushed past everyone and hassled me. How diabolical is that?"

"I survived all the abuse and the endless hate mail and telephone calls after the separation because the best treatment for all diseases is to maintain a positive attitude," says Shelby. "Being a 'free' woman allowed me to do happy things for myself that I had never been able to do before - so, for every insult I received I built up my immune system by doing lots of little, inexpensive things that made me calm and happy - taking long walks, meditating, swimming, reading uplifting library books and being with people who made me smile and feel glad to be alive."

"Nobody forgets, but the best way to push bad incidents out of a troubled mind is to fill it with lots of good incidents," says Shelby, "and that's how I not only survived but thrived through a terrible time that might otherwise have killed me."

"As far as everyone else could see, I suppose I was having a good time after the divorce," laughs Shelby, "and that must have made my abuser more determined than ever to destroy me - but the more he tried to hurt me the more I determined to ensure that I kept happy and disease free."

"Thankfully, at the time, I had no other stresses in my life besides him and dealing with cancer," says Shelby. "Back then I had a job - it didn't pay much but it paid the bills - I was fired with enthusiasm to get back into life after a miserable marriage and, most importantly, I was fifteen years younger than I am now and doors just opened for me. At my age now, doors just shut in my face and there's nothing much to feel enthusiastic about."

"With no job, no money, endless accommodation problem and nothing but war and misery in the news, I get very stressed when people start hassling me or telling me about their problems," sighs Shelby. "My head is barely above water. I need all the strength I can muster to maintain a positive attitude. I am in no position to cope with more stresses, and that's why I avoid socializing these days. Everyone has problems, most have worse problems than mine, and being a bit of a psychic-soaker-upper I don't want to risk my health by exposing myself to other people's negative vibes."

"At my age I can cope with my own problems, but I can't cope with other people's as well -- especially when their problems bring back too many of my own bad memories," explains Shelby. "I'm lucky I was younger when I got out of that marriage because I don't have the strength to deal with all that stress now."

pap smear scare

Johanna is 38 and has had regular annual pap smear tests since she married at 18. With three children, a twenty year marriage and a healthy lifestyle she never expected the bad news she received from her gynaecologist.

"My gynaecologist told me that my last pap smear test was positive," says Johanna, "and I needed to go to hospital for a cone biopsy."

"He didn't say that I had cervical cancer," explains Johanna, "but what else could it have been?"

"I went from the gynaecologist's rooms to meet my fourteen year old daughter at the shops, and I was in a terrible state of shock when I got there."

"Dee-dee was terrified when I told her my bad news,” says Johanna, “but the worst reaction of all came from my husband,".

"His reaction was so chillingly unsympathetic that I decided I didn't want to go into hospital to have further tests without a second opinion about the positive pap smear test."

"I had a follow-up pap smear test and it was negative," laughs Johanna. "What a relief!"

"All that agony and angst for nothing," sighs Johanna, "but from that terrifying experience I did learn something to my advantage about the reliability of my husband. I lost all respect for him."

"Pap smear tests are really not as infallible as some doctors say they are and if my gynaecologist had been any good he would have scheduled a second test before scaring me to death with a cone biopsy in hospital."

"It was obviously time for me to find another gynaecologist," says Johanna, “and it was also time for me to reconsider marriage to a man who behaved so badly towards me in my hour of need."

"My cervix wasn't cancerous but my marriage most certainly was," says Johanna. "I determined that if I ever did have the misfortune of becoming seriously ill in the future my chances of survival were going to be much better without that man in my life." 

 Read more of Johanna's story:

unsupportive and insensitive husband

pap smear rape?

Until her daughter was born, Mitzi, 27, had never had a pap smear test and nobody ever suggested she have one - which is understandable in view of the fact that she had never seen a doctor since childhood.

"Soon after Jacquie was born I started taking her to the local doctor for colic and rashes and other baby problems," says Mitzi, "and one day - when I was distracted with Jacquie crying her eyes out - this doctor suggested I come in for a pap smear test."

"No, he didn't suggest it - with an option to say no," explains Mitzi, "he insisted I have a pap smear test on the basis of medical research that apparently said that women after childbirth are at high risk for cervical cancer."

"This doctor was a GP - not a gynecologist or even a pediatrician," says Mitzi, "and I don't know why I bothered to listen to him but two months after giving birth I guess I was in no mood for rational thought."

"When I turned up to keep the pap smear test appointment he told me to leave Jacquie with his receptionist," says Mitzi, "and when I pushed the stroller towards the woman she gave me a look as if to say 'you poor young thing'."

"I felt like running away right there and then," says Mitzi. "There was something not quite right about the situation. The woman's eyes quite clearly told me that I was going to be a lamb to the slaughter - and that's exactly what I was."

"The doctor made me take all of my clothes off and then he gave me a sheet to cover myself and asked me to lay down on the examining table."

"He forced my legs open and spent a very long time poking and prodding around inside me."

"I felt violated and sick."

"As far as I was concerned he had 'raped' me under the guise of medical examination - and he had taken advantage of my vulnerability as a new mother to gain my trust by fraud."

"He was an old man - in his sixties - and this was his way of getting his rocks off."

"After the ordeal I dressed as quickly as I could and rushed out without saying a word to him," says Mitzi. "The receptionist looked at me with pity and I felt like screaming at her for being an accomplice in the rape."

"When I telephoned to make the appointment for the pap smear she could have advised me to go to a woman doctor or a gynecologist or do anything but subject myself to the medical ravages of her dirty old man boss."

"I was obviously not the first young mom to experience this ordeal with him," says Mitzi. "That woman knew what was going on - but she kept quiet."

"At the time I didn't tell anyone about it," says Mitzi. "I felt too ashamed to tell my friends about the indignity the old man had put me through, but now that I am stronger I want every young mom to watch out for doctors like him."

"I wasn't even interested in the results of the pap smear. The whole examination - and the reason for it - was a fraud. It was just an excuse to medically rape young women."

"I took Jacquie to a new doctor after that incident," says Mitzi, "and I never plan on having another pap smear test for the rest of my life if I can help it.