the myth of the balanced life
Blissfully single, 39 and a government employee, Marika tried for many years to live the medically recommended 'balanced life' -- attending to personal, professional, familial, relational and spiritual needs -- until constant stress and illness caused her to realize that people truly made her sick.
"I work with the public every day and that's not a problem -- these people don't make me sick," explains Marika. "It's people who intrude into my personal life and space who make me sick."
"Initially, I brought a whole lot of health problems upon myself by listening to other people and believing all that garbage in self-help books about the importance of living a 'balanced life'," explains Marika. "I was perfectly okay with my lifestyle until the people around me and the authors of those books implied that I was abnormal for preferring my own company to that of others."
"There really is no 'prescription' for life that we all must follow, whether or not we are suited for it," says Marika. "We are all different and what works for some people just doesn't work for all of us."
"I think men who follow the beat of their own drum have an easier time than women similar to them," says Marika. "Society tolerates 'rogue' men but it certainly doesn't tolerate 'rogue' women."
"I'm the second youngest in a family of six and for as long as I can remember I wanted to be alone," laughs Marika. "I just wasn't cut out to be a 'people' person and I believe that my health suffered from an early age because of the number of people intruding into my life."
"I was called a 'sickly' child," explains Marika, "but the only thing sick about me was my environment -- too many people, not enough personal space."
"I can see it all now, but at the time I just accepted what people said about me -- I was a 'sickly' child," sighs Marika. "You name it, I had every illness going. I was constantly sick with something and missed a lot of school because of it all."
"When I started work, left home and got a place of my own my health improved dramatically," says Marika. "I used to read a lot of self-help books -- mostly about female health matters -- and I was always puzzled by just about all of these books having a 'happy life prescription' that entailed a balanced life -- attending to personal, professional, familial, relational and spiritual needs."
"My family -- and the few friends I had -- added to my puzzlement by constantly nagging me to spend more time with them and ultimately to find a guy and get married."
"I felt pressured by all this -- and started getting sick again," explains Marika. "My natural reaction to being sick was to withdraw -- spend more time alone -- but it took me a long time to realize that it was these people who were making me sick!"
"Don't get me wrong -- my family and friends aren't toxic people," explains Marika. "They are perfectly normal regular people who appear to thrive with plenty of people around them."
"I wanted to be like them -- and I really put a lot of effort into getting out and meeting new people," says Marika. "But the more people I allowed into my life the sicker I became."
"The happy life prescription -- a balanced life -- just didn't work for me," laughs Marika. "Spending equal attention to personal, professional, familial, relational and spiritual needs may work for the majority of people but it didn't work for me -- it made me unhappy and sick."
"I'd spend Saturdays with friends and Sundays with my family," says Marika, "and by Monday I was too ill to go to work. I'd have hives or a strep throat or a blinding headache or urinary tract trouble or something worse."
"Understanding that my personal, professional and spiritual needs are far more vital to me than my familial and relational needs turned my life and my health around," says Marika. "Cutting my family and friends out of my life was easier for me than it was for them -- but it had to be done."
"I don't consider myself abnormal for preferring my own company to that of others," says Marika. "I'm just different. And acknowledging and understanding and applauding that difference means happiness and health to me."
"Think about it," laughs Marika. "Lots of people don't have professional lives -- they're either retired or just don't work for some reason or other. Does missing out on a professional life make their lives unbalanced or make them abnormal or make them sick?"
"Same thing goes for the other so-called essential areas of a balanced life," says Marika. "Orphans don't have a family, millions of people have no spiritual life and relationships cause more grief than happiness. Striving for balance is not only impossible for many people but it's also a health hazard."
"I've gone a year now without missing a day of work through illness," says Marika. "I'm taking no medication and I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been before."
"If you're a 'people' person you'll think I'm hard-hearted and my life is miserable bereft of family and friends," laughs Marika, "and that's understandable. That's how 'people' persons think! You'd be sick and miserable living my life."
"The bottom line is that I was sick and miserable living your life," laughs Marika. "It works for you but not for people like me."
"I work with the public every day and that's not a problem -- these people don't make me sick," explains Marika. "It's people who intrude into my personal life and space who make me sick."
"Initially, I brought a whole lot of health problems upon myself by listening to other people and believing all that garbage in self-help books about the importance of living a 'balanced life'," explains Marika. "I was perfectly okay with my lifestyle until the people around me and the authors of those books implied that I was abnormal for preferring my own company to that of others."
"There really is no 'prescription' for life that we all must follow, whether or not we are suited for it," says Marika. "We are all different and what works for some people just doesn't work for all of us."
"I think men who follow the beat of their own drum have an easier time than women similar to them," says Marika. "Society tolerates 'rogue' men but it certainly doesn't tolerate 'rogue' women."
"I'm the second youngest in a family of six and for as long as I can remember I wanted to be alone," laughs Marika. "I just wasn't cut out to be a 'people' person and I believe that my health suffered from an early age because of the number of people intruding into my life."
"I was called a 'sickly' child," explains Marika, "but the only thing sick about me was my environment -- too many people, not enough personal space."
"I can see it all now, but at the time I just accepted what people said about me -- I was a 'sickly' child," sighs Marika. "You name it, I had every illness going. I was constantly sick with something and missed a lot of school because of it all."
"When I started work, left home and got a place of my own my health improved dramatically," says Marika. "I used to read a lot of self-help books -- mostly about female health matters -- and I was always puzzled by just about all of these books having a 'happy life prescription' that entailed a balanced life -- attending to personal, professional, familial, relational and spiritual needs."
"My family -- and the few friends I had -- added to my puzzlement by constantly nagging me to spend more time with them and ultimately to find a guy and get married."
"I felt pressured by all this -- and started getting sick again," explains Marika. "My natural reaction to being sick was to withdraw -- spend more time alone -- but it took me a long time to realize that it was these people who were making me sick!"
"Don't get me wrong -- my family and friends aren't toxic people," explains Marika. "They are perfectly normal regular people who appear to thrive with plenty of people around them."
"I wanted to be like them -- and I really put a lot of effort into getting out and meeting new people," says Marika. "But the more people I allowed into my life the sicker I became."
"The happy life prescription -- a balanced life -- just didn't work for me," laughs Marika. "Spending equal attention to personal, professional, familial, relational and spiritual needs may work for the majority of people but it didn't work for me -- it made me unhappy and sick."
"I'd spend Saturdays with friends and Sundays with my family," says Marika, "and by Monday I was too ill to go to work. I'd have hives or a strep throat or a blinding headache or urinary tract trouble or something worse."
"Understanding that my personal, professional and spiritual needs are far more vital to me than my familial and relational needs turned my life and my health around," says Marika. "Cutting my family and friends out of my life was easier for me than it was for them -- but it had to be done."
"I don't consider myself abnormal for preferring my own company to that of others," says Marika. "I'm just different. And acknowledging and understanding and applauding that difference means happiness and health to me."
"Think about it," laughs Marika. "Lots of people don't have professional lives -- they're either retired or just don't work for some reason or other. Does missing out on a professional life make their lives unbalanced or make them abnormal or make them sick?"
"Same thing goes for the other so-called essential areas of a balanced life," says Marika. "Orphans don't have a family, millions of people have no spiritual life and relationships cause more grief than happiness. Striving for balance is not only impossible for many people but it's also a health hazard."
"I've gone a year now without missing a day of work through illness," says Marika. "I'm taking no medication and I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been before."
"If you're a 'people' person you'll think I'm hard-hearted and my life is miserable bereft of family and friends," laughs Marika, "and that's understandable. That's how 'people' persons think! You'd be sick and miserable living my life."
"The bottom line is that I was sick and miserable living your life," laughs Marika. "It works for you but not for people like me."
Labels: balanced life, health, sickness, women
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