menopausal drama queen

Chianti is a flamboyant stage actress in her fifties who does a lot of flying here, there and everywhere and always travels first class. She has no problem being called a drama queen but really hates being called 'menopausal' - or even thought of as such - and has a thing about young women who, by the way the look at her, are thinking the unthinkable!

"I never book flights weeks ahead like some people do," says Chianti, "I just ring up when I'm ready to leave and there's always a vacant seat in first class."

"Recently I had to rush from one European city to another to stand in for another actress who had developed a cold," relates Chianti, "and I had to do the unthinkable - catch a 9am flight."

"I never get up before noon so it was a huge effort to get to the airport in time."

"I got a first class seat very easily with a well-known airline," says Chianti, "and understandably at that time of the morning my fellow travelers were all of the bowler hat brigade type."

"You know," laughs Chianti, "stiff upper lip and all that!"

"I suppose I looked totally out of place on that flight," muses Chianti, "but for the exorbitant price I was paying for the torture of flying at that ungodly hour they should have been grateful for the pleasure of my exalted company."

"The guy in the seat next to me had his nose in some foreign newspaper and didn't bother me at all," says Chianti.

"It was the glorified waitress that got up my nose."

"I was tired and hungry and thirsty and having hot flashes and I just wanted to enjoy my breakfast in peace and quiet looking at the clouds while memorizing my lines for the performance that night."

"The flight attendant served me breakfast without any trouble," says Chianti, "but when she came back to offer refills her face registered shock horror when she looked at my tray."

"You've used coffee sugar in tea," she spluttered out loudly in a way I knew was meant to demean me as a menopausal old woman.

"The guy sitting next to me took his nose out of his paper and looked sternly at my tray - so did the toffee noses in the seats across the aisles."

"I half expected the glorified waitress to call the captain to come and reprimand me for the terrible social gaffe that I had committed," laughs Chianti, "but at least I was spared that indignity."

"Using the longest and loudest drawl that I could muster from my southern roots I looked up at her and said 'honey, it tastes just as sweet'," laughs Chianti, "and she turned up her pert little English nose and stormed off."

"I know the English take their tea seriously," laughs Chianti, "but her behavior was way out of line and I should have reported her - but what the hell."

"She's a waitress and I'm an actress and ne'er the twain shall meet - and ne'er again at 9am if I can help it," says Chianti, "and when she's my age she;ll be lucky that anybody notices her let alone wants to insult her."