nature knows best

Martha is 54, raising two children under ten, and considers herself blessed that she had children later rather than earlier in life. She wants to assure all women in their forties who've received dire warnings from their doctors against pregnancy at such an old age that they have nothing to fear.

"Nature knows what she is doing as far as female health matters are concerned and old eggs don't necessarily mean damaged eggs."

"I was 45 when I had my first son and 47 when I had the second one," says Martha, "and I never even noticed when I turned 50 - I was far too busy!"

Martha's husband, Bob, is 64 so there is quite a generation gap in their household.

"The age difference between my husband and I - and the children - means nothing," asserts Martha.

"Bob and I look years younger than our chronological ages and we're the happiest little family you could ever meet."

"I honestly believe that having children later in life is the way to go," confides Martha.

"Up until I was 44 and married Bob I had a glorious life as a single woman," says Martha.

"I did everything I ever wanted to do and when I looked around and discovered that I had achieved all I had set out to achieve it was time to think about settling down and having children."

"At 54, Bob had lead a similar action packed single life and was ready to settle down, too."

"Sure," says Martha, "I took the risk that we couldn't have children - that I'd left it too late - but we would have resorted to medical intervention to get our kids if that had been the case."

"It obviously wasn't the case," laughs Martha. "I had no trouble having my two boys and because I could afford to hire a nanny and a housekeeper to help me over the early years I didn't get frazzled."

"When you have children later in life you're going to be a lot better off financially than you were at 20," says Martha. "and that's another good reason to delay motherhood."

"I couldn't have done it in poverty - at 20 or 45!"

"The best thing about late motherhood is that I look and feel ten years younger," beams Martha. "Having babies gave me a natural hormone boost."

"There's nothing like young kids to keep you on your toes and I haven't had time to think about all the things that women my age think about."

"My time is fully occupied and I am focusing on the boys rather than myself."

"I'll probably be frazzled in my sixties," laughs Martha, "but right now I am enjoying my fifties to the full thanks to my boys."

"I think the worst possible age for women to have babies is when they are in their thirties," says Martha.

"By the time these women are in their fifties their children have left home and they are at risk of becoming far too introspective for their own good."

"Women who have children in their twenties are still young by the time the kids leave home."

"They can get out there and set the world on fire - do all the things they didn't have time to do before - even start a second family if they want to!"

"A fifties woman in an empty nest - with or without a husband," says Martha, "is at risk of depression because to the world at large her life is over."

"She is too old to start a career and too old to start a family."

"In their fifties, empty-nest mothers have not much to look forward to besides the old aged pension and the old folks home," says Martha.

"That would have been my fate had I got married in my thirties and started a family."

"At 44 when I got married I was at my physical peak," says Martha. "I looked fantastic and my body was like that of a young woman."

"You're not old in your forties but you are old in your fifties if you don't have a young family to keep you alive."

"And I don't mean grandchildren - I mean your own children!"

"Some may call me selfish and say my boys will grow up to hate their old parents," adds Martha, "but that fate awaits most parents whatever their age."

"What kid ever thinks his or her parents are young?"

Martha's story first appeared as late life motherhood

doctors, drugs and hassled moms

When Germaine, 45, developed sharp pains in her chest a few days after a 'money' argument with her daughter she went into panic mode and thought she was having a heart attack.

"I suppose I should have called an ambulance straight away," muses Germaine, "but because my husband would have got here quicker I telephoned him instead. He carries his phone with him, but I guess he couldn't answer, so I left an urgent message and then decided to drag myself off to see the local doctor. If I got into trouble on the way I could call out for help. It was better than sitting home alone in panic mode waiting for my husband to respond to my urgent message."

"For normal health problems - coughs and colds and broken bones - we drive to the big medical center in town ," says Germaine. "It's quick - you get to see the first available doctor; it has all X-Ray and lab services on tap for quick results; and it's open 24/7. But I didn't dare drive that day. I didn't have far to walk and besides which I prefer our local doctor for important health problems - he gives more personal care than the big medical centers."

"It was about 1pm when I arrived and his surgery was packed," relates Germaine. "I was told I'd have to wait at least an hour to see the doctor - it was actually an hour and a half - but I didn't mind. I was, after all, in the right place for medical assistance."

"I made small talk with the other patients - flipped through old magazines - watched a bit of television - went outside for some fresh air - visited the bathroom - and generally observed my fellow patients as they came and went."

"Strangely - or not so strangely considering that men get cared for by their wives or girlfriends - not one man was a patient in the surgery waiting room. They were all women - young women with children, young women in suits probably taking the afternoon off to visit the doctor - and older women like myself with the saddest faces of all."

"At my examination, all the vital signs were okay," says Germaine. "The doctor asked me what had caused the 'panic attack' and when I told him about the argument with my daughter he commiserated with me and told me it was a common event."

"My doctor isn't married and as far as I know doesn't have children so I suppose he was talking about his patients," says Germaine. "I wondered how many women he sees each week, or even each day, whose only problem is a hassling adult kid. I wondered how many of the older women waiting outside in the surgery had the same problem. It was scary!"

"He decided I needed something to calm me down over the coming weeks," says Germaine, "and I suppose he was doing what any doctor could do under the circumstances but I wondered how many pills he hands out to women each week, or even each day, who have nothing physically wrong with them - who just need to be calmed down after a bad incident with a greedy adult son or daughter."

"I went home relieved to know I wasn't having a heart attack but I was very upset, nevertheless, to accept that I was going to need drugs to help me over this bad incident."

"I had raised my daughter never to take drugs - not to drink or smoke," sighs Germaine, "and as far as I know I'd been successful in keeping her clean. It would be ironic if I'm the one who becomes a drug addict! I can appreciate now those baleful jokes made by men about wives driving them to drink."

"I can now make a baleful joke about my kid driving me to drugs."