deaf and dizzy invalid

Mary’s ear infection was misdiagnosed and she was given painkillers rather than antibiotics, and as a result her eardrum perforated and required an operation to patch it – but permanent damage had already been done.

“The operation – my very first one, and I hope the last – was successful,” says Mary. “The surgeon took a graft of skin from behind my ear to make the patch, and after a period of having ‘packing’ in my ear the eardrum healed and I was given the all clear.”

“Unfortunately, though, the distressing symptoms of hearing loss, tinnitus (ringing in the ear) and dizziness that had developed before I was properly diagnosed did not abate,” says Mary. “I was cleared for a Meniere's condition, and was told that my hearing had been permanently damaged, there’s no cure for tinnitus and I would just have to adjust to living with these disabilities.”

“For the first time in my life, something that had ‘happened' to me was ‘unfixable’ and I couldn’t believe it,” says Mary. ”I had often and repeatedly risked my health by working late, not eating, not sleeping, and drinking to excess, yet I had always landed butter side up.”

“Never once had any of the lifestyle risks I had taken caused me lasting harm,” says Mary, “and this time it was different because the damage wasn’t my fault – I had been misdiagnosed – and I couldn’t believe that there was no magic bullet or procedure that would fix me up.”

“For three months after the operation I held onto hope - no, not hope, just an arrogant belief in my immortality -- that I would soon bounce back to life with a vengeance, none the worse for the ordeal I had been through,” says Mary. “I refused to accept that I was now a disabled deaf and dizzy invalid listening to non-stop screeching in my head, but finally I was forced to adapt.”

“It’s amazing what you can put up with when there’s no alternative.”

Read more of Mary’s story:

listen to your body

body language

get a regular doctor!

listen to your husband!

stress eating

Margaret is single empty nester, 51, who threw herself into being a success at work when her daughter left home. She thought it was really odd that she developed headaches and started eating twice as much when Mike joined her department at work.

"He was such a nice guy," explains Margaret. "All became clear when I got laid off and he got my job."

"He had been angling for my job all along, but I was too blinded by his apparent niceness to see the connection between him and the headaches."

She will never discount her intuition again, or numb her headaches with painkillers. Those headaches were telling her something she needed to pay attention to.

Margaret's job wasn't fantastic, but it was better than Mike's, so she should have intuited that he coveted it.

The first thing we all need to do in order to guard ourselves against manipulators like Mike is to take stock of our assets and take steps to value them and protect them.

Margaret’s self-esteem was low due to obesity.

"I didn't feel good about myself because I was overweight," explains Margaret, "and because I didn't feel good about myself I was unable to see my job as being of any importance to anybody."

The first thing she learnt as a result of being manipulated out of her job was to become more aware of her worth and assets and more assertive in guarding them.

"Self-esteem is a vital asset," advises Margaret, "so I've been building it up every day. It's no great secret that high self-esteem women rarely if ever get screwed."

Margaret has used her between-job period to good use. She's paying attention to her health, particularly her weight.

"The second thing I've been doing," explains Margaret, "is honing my intuition and learning body language. Not only does the behavior of screwers offer clues, but ours as well."

Paying attention to her obesity and doing something about it is a good way to concentrate on body language.

Margaret believes that our behavior is something we have a responsibility to monitor at all times. We must learn to trust our intuition.

"No matter how much it conflicts with logic - or whatever other people are telling you - if your intuition is giving you the feeling that something is wrong and your behavior is becoming erratic as a result of the conflict between thoughts and feelings," says Margaret, "stop whatever you're doing and listen to your inner voice. It's a survival skill that's there for a very good purpose. Use it. Never, ever suppress it or deny it like I did."

Margaret says that we all have an erratic behavior pattern that's activated when our intuition is telling us that something is wrong about a seemingly normal situation or a seemingly normal person.

Do you start blinking? Twitching? Stammering? Or do you go cold? Develop a headache? Get butterflies or a knot in the stomach? Or do you just 'go funny'?

"I certainly never discounted hunger, thirst, tiredness or terror," says Margaret, "but it is amazing how many women like me can discount their intuition."

"That's just another reason why screwers like Mike can screw us so easily," explains Margaret. "They know that fat women - especially older fat women - have low self-esteem and that all women, fat or not, have been conditioned to discount intuition with rationalization."

"Losing weight and getting in tune with my intuition has certainly changed my life," smiles Margaret. "The next job I get is going to be much better than the one Mike took."