drunk as a skunk

Rhoda swore off alcohol many years ago after someone described her as being as drunk as a skunk and whenever she sees women drinking too much – especially women of high profile such as Sarah Ferguson, aka Fergie the Duchess of York – she cringes and wonders why they continue to drink when it is not just harming their health but ruining their reputations, too.

“I think the scariest health implication of too much alcohol over a long period of time is Alzheimer’s disease,” says Rhoda. “The prospect of liver and kidney disease down the line doesn’t scare anybody, but when you know every time you take a drink that it affects your brain and makes you do and say stupid things, then it’s a no brainer that alcohol is killing off your brain cells.”

“In her interview with Oprah Winfrey, Fergie denied being drunk at the meeting with the bogus businessman she was introducing to her ex husband, Prince Andrew, for a whole heap of money,” says Rhoda, “but anyone with brain cells can see from the secret tapes of that meeting that she was as high as a kite, if not as drunk as a skunk.”

“She could hardly string a sentence together and was all over the place,” says Rhoda, “and if this is how she behaves when she is not drunk – and being out cold is how she describes herself when she is drunk – then she has another huge problem to face on top of managing her weight and finances.”

“If she was conducting a legitimate business deal – as she makes out she was,” says Rhoda, “then she should have conducted it in an office, without alcohol, during business hours, with a third party present, like every other canny businesswoman does.”

“For goodness sakes,” sighs Rhoda, “Fergie didn’t even know the man she was doing business with, and she had dinner and drinks with him and then went back to his apartment.”

“If that isn’t stupid behavior – without all the other stuff that she is alleged to have done – then what is?” asks Rhoda. “And she cannot blame alcohol for a momentary lapse in judgment because just about everything this woman does is improper, and if she is a daily drinker then she is in total denial about the effect that alcohol is having on her mental faculties.”

“If she cannot give up alcohol as easily as I did,” says Rhoda, “then she needs to join AA and maybe make a legitimate career for herself as a successful spokesperson for that organization in the same way she did for Weightwatchers.”

See also:
Fergie’s Imaginary Friend

Will Fergie and Andy Remarry?

Marriage or Emigration for Fergie?

Mother of the Year?

Fergie’s chutzpah survival

what's next for Fergie?

How free is Fergie?

Oprah tops Fergie’s retirement pot

Fergie Flouts Family

Fergie and the global gravy train

Greedy Fergie!

Fergie smokes, so what?

Homeless Fergie?

Fergie’s £15,000 pa was a lousy settlement

Fergie’s menopausal mania

star struck Fergie

cashing in on the family Fergie style!

Fergie’s broken homes

Is Fergie reliving her childhood?

a foghorn for silent whispers

Sarah Ferguson’s Libran Balance

Age Secrets of Prince Andrew

Age Secrets of Sarah Ferguson

Andrew and Sarah, Duke and Duchess of York

the fat trap

Lana is 24, a single mother of two young children and she’s caught in a fat trap that prevents her from getting a job and forces her to depend on welfare.

"I am desperate to get out and earn some real money," says Lana, "but for every successful transition from welfare to independence there are thousands of failure stories - like mine - but all we ever hear about are the success stories."

"Tune into Oprah," says Lana, "and you will never hear about the failures. The feeling is that when women fail it’s their own fault, that they're not trying hard enough, yet everything in life involves winners and losers."

"Think about it," explains Lana. "Without losers, there would no winners. And nobody could be a bigger loser than me - and I mean BIG."

Lana believes that her main obstacle to finding a job is her size. She admits to being grossly overweight but denies eating more than she needs.

"I can't afford stacks of so-called healthy foods like lean meat, fish, fruit and vegetables," complains Lana, "so I just fill up on the cheap stuff and I'm hungry all the time and so are the kids."

"I really believe that most of the cheap food we're eating these days is pumped with growth hormones and other stuff that affects our metabolisms."

"My kids are already taller than anyone in my family, and I don't think that it's natural. There has to be something in the food that's making them giants and turning me into a balloon."

If success in life is defined as having the wherewithal to support fully oneself and one's children without the need for welfare or a network of support workers, then Lana is adamant that only a very few women like her are likely to be successful.

"It’s a downward spiral as far as I’m concerned," sighs Lana. "As soon as I went on welfare I started putting on weight, and the longer I stay on welfare the fatter I am going to get and the fewer chances I am going to get to better myself and my kids."

Lana asserts that a great many welfare women like her try again and again and end up right back where they started.

"Why?" laughs Lana. "Mostly because the help given to us has been inadequate but in fairness some welfare women are really incapable of taking care of themselves and coping with their extraordinary circumstances as single mothers."

"I know that I’ve often been overwhelmed by my circumstances, but I’m deadly serious about wanting to lose weight and get out of welfare hell."

Lana believes that there is nothing wrong with accepting that some women just can't take care of themselves and their children.

"Because we live in a civilized society," says Lana, "I feel that it's everyone’s duty to support those who can't help themselves - and that includes emotionally immature women as well as the elderly, the sick, the disabled and the unemployed."

As for the women who are not trying hard enough, Lana suggests that this in itself is often - not always - symptomatic of emotional immaturity, an inability to cope.

"Given training with valuable skills, a supportive job and tons of social support, only an emotionally immature woman would fail," explains Lana, "but the truth of the matter is that a lot of welfare women do not get the type of training, jobs and social support they need in order to ensure them an opportunity to succeed."

"I most certainly didn’t get the help I needed," confides Lana, "and without that help it's too easy to slide into apathy and obesity."

Lana says that most of the help on offer to welfare women like herself is woefully inadequate and is lip service only.

"Welfare is not a stepping-stone to success for the vast majority of single mothers," asserts Lana. "On the contrary, it’s a step down to fat hell."

Lana believes that there is an expectation in our society that people should stand on their own two feet and not be a burden to others, or expect others to help them.

"The hallmark of a really successful woman is someone who rises from the pits without any help whatsoever," says Lana, "but why is it that they all seem to be beautiful and slim?"

"The feeling abroad is that if Jane Doe can do it, so can I," says Lana, "but this is a fallacy."

"Let's put it this way," says Lana. "My namesake, Lana Turner, was discovered working as a checkout chick and rose to become a wealthy film star. Michelle Pfeifer also went the same route. If they did it, then did I fail when I once worked as a checkout chick?"

"And what about Oprah herself?" asks Lana. "She went from an underprivileged childhood to become the queen of television talk shows. If she can do it, can any black woman do it and a really fat one at that?"

The answer according to Lana is, of course, no. People who overcome incredible odds to achieve fame and fortune are a very special breed.

"Fate smiles on them, and rains on the rest of us," laughs Lana. "If it were true that working as a checkout chick or having an underprivileged childhood leads to fame and fortune, then supermarkets would have no shortage of girls lining up to work at the checkouts and parents would treat their children harshly in order to give them the ‘right’ start in life. It just doesn’t work like that."

"Welfare is no more a stepping stone to success than a hit on the head is," laughs Lana, "and sometimes a hit on the head can achieve more successful outcomes than a fist full of dollars."

"I’m not, of course, advocating a hit on the head for welfare women," adds Lana. "Such treatment from their men probably accounts for why they became welfare women in the first place."

Lana wants a job, not welfare. And she wants to be fit, slim and healthy to be a good role model for her children.

"The welfare system supports me," says Lana, "but it’s also letting me down. It gives me enough money to buy cheap high calorie food but not enough to buy expensive lo-cal food. That's the fat trap."

"I need to feel good about myself, and look good, in order to get a job and be successful," sighs Lana, "but the welfare system isn’t addressing my needs and I really don’t know how to cope with my increasing weight problem."

"It’s almost as if every welfare woman who does succeed in winning a good job and a good life does so at the expense of big fat losers like me," sighs Lana. "We make them look good!"