cervical cancer, sex and stress

There’s plenty of anecdotal evidence that cancer is related to stress, and Shelby is convinced not only that her development of cervical cancer was stress related but also that it was related to unwanted sex with an abusive husband.

"I'm sure that it was the stress of dealing with an abusive husband that gave me cervical cancer -- which, when diagnosed, caused him to wipe me off as 'dead meat' and thankfully get his sex elsewhere," says Shelby, "but when I recovered, refused him sex and dared to divorce him the resultant abominable stress he put me through afterwards brought the cancer out of remission and I needed four more years of treatment to regain my health."

"Even when we were legally separated -- and I was in hospital preparing for an operation -- that man pushed past everyone and hassled me. How diabolical is that?"

"I survived all the abuse and the endless hate mail and telephone calls after the separation because the best treatment for all diseases is to maintain a positive attitude," says Shelby. "Being a 'free' woman allowed me to do happy things for myself that I had never been able to do before - so, for every insult I received I built up my immune system by doing lots of little, inexpensive things that made me calm and happy - taking long walks, meditating, swimming, reading uplifting library books and being with people who made me smile and feel glad to be alive."

"Nobody forgets, but the best way to push bad incidents out of a troubled mind is to fill it with lots of good incidents," says Shelby, "and that's how I not only survived but thrived through a terrible time that might otherwise have killed me."

"As far as everyone else could see, I suppose I was having a good time after the divorce," laughs Shelby, "and that must have made my abuser more determined than ever to destroy me - but the more he tried to hurt me the more I determined to ensure that I kept happy and disease free."

"Thankfully, at the time, I had no other stresses in my life besides him and dealing with cancer," says Shelby. "Back then I had a job - it didn't pay much but it paid the bills - I was fired with enthusiasm to get back into life after a miserable marriage and, most importantly, I was fifteen years younger than I am now and doors just opened for me. At my age now, doors just shut in my face and there's nothing much to feel enthusiastic about."

"With no job, no money, endless accommodation problem and nothing but war and misery in the news, I get very stressed when people start hassling me or telling me about their problems," sighs Shelby. "My head is barely above water. I need all the strength I can muster to maintain a positive attitude. I am in no position to cope with more stresses, and that's why I avoid socializing these days. Everyone has problems, most have worse problems than mine, and being a bit of a psychic-soaker-upper I don't want to risk my health by exposing myself to other people's negative vibes."

"At my age I can cope with my own problems, but I can't cope with other people's as well -- especially when their problems bring back too many of my own bad memories," explains Shelby. "I'm lucky I was younger when I got out of that marriage because I don't have the strength to deal with all that stress now."